Be warned -- a bit of a rant ahead . . . Stop judging yourself!That's me (The Happy Runner) yelling at the
other me (The Self-Judgmental Runner) for getting into a yuck-o running funk where I tell myself that I suck as a runner. Where I judge my abilities and determine that they are sub-par. Where I look at what I've accomplished and feel like it's not enough.
Stop judging yourself!What I should probably be saying is, stop comparing yourself to the rest of the running blogosphere.* It's not exactly productive.
See, that's what has been happening. Counter-productive comparisons. Gradually, since I started blogging and reading other people's blogs, I've started to look at the number of miles they run each week, or the speed of their 5ks, or the number of marathons they run each year, or whatever, and I compare myself to what they're doing. What
you're doing. And I've let it get me down and it is silly.
Back when I ran my first (and, so far, only) marathon, I was SO HAPPY with my time. I wasn't a super runner and I trained by myself just tacking on miles to my long, solo run each week. I thought I'd run a 4:20 and I crossed the line in 4:12. Talk about a happy moment! That year, my husband gave me a framed 8 x 10 of me with arms-raised-in-triumph crossing the finish the line. And I love it.
But, somewhere from there to now, I started to think that it wasn't so great. Another blogger wrote about how she's seeking "marathon redemption" in 2010 after running her first marathon this year in 4:11.
Hey, that's only one minute faster than I ran! Should I be seeking marathon redemption? Was
my time actually a cruddy time?
And then there are the days when I go for enjoyable 5-milers and then read about others who've logged 16 speedy miles. And I feel like a chump.
If
so-and-so can run that fast, why can't I? If
so-and-so can run that much, why can't I? If
so-and-so can run that many races, why can't I? What is WRONG with me?
What's wrong? For starters, I'm not taking my own advice. I am not
running my own race. I'm looking at what others are doing, comparing myself to them, and coming up short. I'm being judgmental -- and overly harsh in those judgments. Instead of
running my own race, I'm trying to fit a mold. But there isn't one mold. There are many and I need to realize that my life is its own mold and it is a perfectly fine one at that. I need to
run my own race. I need to
stop judging myself!If a friend spoke about herself the way I've been talking to myself, I'd let her have it. I wouldn't stand for it! So, I shouldn't stand for it when it comes from me.
Easier said than done, I'm afraid.
I want to be a better runner, just as I want to always strive to be a better mom and a better wife and a better friend, daughter, writer, and person in general. I guess I just need to find the balance between
striving and being
overly self-critical.
Am I alone here? Gosh, I hope not. But, in keeping with my advice, if I am, I guess I need to accept that. And
run my own race. Stop judging myself. Just get on with it.
I need to get back to being as happy with my accomplishments as I am with everyone else's accomplishments. Fear not -- I'm not going to get all
Stuart Smalley here. I'm just going to work on not judging myself when I run. Or when I don't run. Or when I don't run as fast as I'd like to. Or . . . you get the picture.
Have you struggled with comparisons? Self-judgments? How have you shaken the thoughts?
I, as always, appreciate any and all advice :-)
Have a great day, everyone!
~ Felice* It might seem like I'm blaming blogs, and I'm most definitely not. Reading running blogs, and the comments left here, have helped me to become a much better and smarter runner! I love this virtual community!