I apologize for yesterday's annoying wah-wah post. I was just so totally disappointed when I wrote it and, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have posted it because I hadn't had a chance to digest what had happened.
But, I posted it so that is that. Now, on to my full race report!
The day started out great. The weather forecast was calling for rain at the start time but it never happened. We were lucky, in fact, to have perfect racing weather. Before leaving, I had an English muffin with peanut butter and some coffee and water. Then I rolled out my legs with The Stick and was ready to go!
I warmed up for a little less than a mile and felt great. So ready to race and get a PR.
Then, the race. I had to line up a little farther back than I would have liked but I figured it would just keep me from going out too fast. Well, that and the uphill start. It did that, for sure! Only, it felt rotten. I was weaving around people and couldn't find a good pace. I kept speeding up and slowing down. I had no rhythm and when I crossed the one mile marker at 7:50, I was crushed.
That's when my race went all wrong.
Instead of looking at the clock and thinking that I ran a conservative mile putting me in a good position for the rest of the race, I looked at the clock and thought, "I'm so far off my pace. I'm never going to get my PR." I defeated myself right there and then.
The next mile was torture. I tried to pick it up after the first mile and, in doing so, I burned out. The course winds through Albany's Washington Park (which, by the way, is a great city park). I was speeding up and slowing down around the sharp turns of the park. Not running according to plan at all. I walked through the water stop, thinking it would give me a breather and chance to adjust. After that break, I set back out to run hard and try to get my PR. No dice. I ran hard, but it was too hard and I had to walk -- again. I started back up, ran for less than a minute and stopped. I almost walked off the course.
I was not hurt. Nothing was wrong, other than what was happening in my mind.
I fought my mind and decided that there was no way I was going to quit so I started running again and when I saw 16:34 on the clock at mile 2 I just had to shake my head. This was very far away from what I had hoped and trained for.
About 2.5 miles into the race, I found my rhythm. I was running strong and at my race pace but it was far too late. I finished in 25:08.
It was a terrible race. Terrible not really because of the finish time, because that doesn't -- and rarely ever does -- tell the whole story. It was terrible because I did not run the way I know I am capable of running. My mind went into "you can't do it" mode so early and I couldn't shake that. It's rotten feeling. I trained hard for this and I believed that my hard work had prepared me for success.
When I look at the race results, I see that my time placed me 95th out of 1360 women. That's good. So, it is not the time that reads failure to me. It is my effort, my inability to stick to my plan and my negative thoughts. Had I run a strong, smart race and finished in 25:08, I would be proud of my effort, even if I missed my goal. But, that wasn't the case. I was all over the place yesterday and even considered quitting the race. That's not like me. That's just something else.
Maybe I put too much pressure on myself to get this PR. I trained seriously and, I think, well for six weeks. I built this race up in my mind. I wanted to run under 23 minutes
so badly. But, it didn't happen.
Today, I'm OK with that. Yesterday, not so much.
Today, I'm moving on. I've gone on two re-energizing recovery runs since the race and they have helped me clear my mind. I am happy and grateful that I can run. I
love to run. Maybe I'm not great at racing. Or maybe I just need to train harder. Or, more likely, maybe I need to work on the mental aspect racing.
What I know is that my disappointment yesterday was real but today is a new day and a new opportunity to enjoy the run. And that's what I am going to do for the next few days. No more thinking about training or races. Just running. Just enjoying the run.
RUN ON!
~ Felice