Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A heap of honesty.

Or, Good thing that plan was written in pencil!

OK. Here it is: I'm not going to run the NJ Marathon.

Ooooooooh, I know. I wanted to. I wanted to suffer through the long runs until, suddenly, 15 miles would feel easy. I wanted to be hungry all the time because I was running all those miles. I wanted to run mid-week 8 milers. I wanted to train well. I wanted to run the NJ Marathon and I wanted to finish in under 4 hours.

And yet, I'm not. I'm not doing any of that. After many long conversations with myself I am backing out.

I feel crappy about it, to be honest. I feel like I'm letting everyone who has left me supportive comments -- or even just thought those supportive thoughts -- down. But, I am simply not prepared. I've been struggling with the training and when I stopped to think about what was going on, I realized that I had put the marathon on my schedule for the wrong reason. Yes, I want to run another marathon and I believe that I will. But, now? No.

After getting some rotten news in December, I decided to train for the marathon. It would get my mind off of things and give me a big, exciting goal to work toward. Unfortunately, the marathon training came to feel like punishment. Not exactly what I was looking for.

So, I thought about what I was doing and why I was doing it and it occurred to me that now is not the right time for me to run a marathon. I backed out.

Instead, I'm running just because I love it. And, believe me, I do. My recent runs have been fun and fast (for me) and have left me feeling reinvigorated. This is good. These runs are making me feel a little less crappy about my decision. I've got a 4 mile race scheduled for 3/7 and I'm hoping that running it well will shake off any residual crappy feelings about the marathon.

Sheesh. What a downer, huh? I don't mean to be so let's move on to something a little more fun . . . I'm going to be posting my very first giveaway on Friday! Yay! Be sure to check back to find out all about it.

And don't forget about the Runners' Lounge book! The essay deadline is 2/28 . . . tick, tock, tick, tock.

~ Felice

30 comments:

Abby said...

Bummer - I was looking forward to linking up in Jersey!

In all seriousness, though, it sounds like the right decision. I went through a similar thing last summer and ended up pulling out of a couple anticipated races, too; it turned out to be exactly what I needed to get out of that running-out-of-obligation feeling.

Good luck conquering the funk!

Marlene said...

The important thing is to ENJOY it, right? And if you're not, what's the point?

BeachRunner said...

C'est la vie. There will be plenty of other plans. Just keep on running and having fun. That is all that really matters.

Roisin said...

Shit happens, right? I'm not doing a full marathon in May anymore because of time and money, etc. So I changed goals and am doing something else. The important thing is that you're happy!

aron said...

sounds like you made the smart choice!! training shouldnt be a punishment, it should be fun and because you want to! great job recognizing that and not being afraid to change your mind. you will get your sub 4 marathon when you are ready :)

lindsay said...

sounds like you are being wise and level-headed. running is a hobby and supposed to be fun, not a chore. it takes a lot to realize that and make yourself be 'ok' with it. marathons will still be around when you are ready to make another go at it!

tfh said...

Letting down people who are supportive of you? Don't be silly. We can be just as supportive of you NOT running a marathon, and I for one am thrilled at the opportunity to prove it.

Oh! I remembered what I've wanted to ask you. Did you ever write a follow-up post on how your mother is enjoying the ab rocker? I just was looking at an ad for one the other day and wondered if it would indeed do any good.

Vava said...

I'm sure it's the right move, given all that you said. Have fun running and racing, and stay healthy for those are the most important things. Marathons will come when the time is right and you'll rock it! It's amazing how the whole blogging thing can make you so accountable and can lead to feelings of guilt, isn't it? It shouldn't, and yet that's part of the motivation. A fine balance is needed I guess.

Janice {Run Far} said...

you know you best and I am sure you made the decission with a lot of thought. Sometimes running with nothing to train for, is the best kind of running.

Diana said...

You have to do what's best for you! No guilt, no regrets - you need to look out for you. Like I said before, it'd be a shame if you pushed yourself and ended up hating running. You go on with your bad self. You can get there...just do it in your own time! there's always next year or the year after if you so chose.

Marcy said...

Don't even sweat it chica! I had wanted to roll with the NJ marathon as well (like waaayy months ago back in Nov) but with all the stuff going on, and let's face it . . upstate NY winters are NO fun to train in, it just wasn't going to work.

If it wasn't going to be fun, then there's no point ya know? Why add more stress onto yourself. You TOTALLY did the right thing. Marathons are a dime a dozen and you've got years of running ahead of you. Don't even worry about it :-)

joyRuN said...

Oh, man - though I'm disappointed we won't get to meet up, I can totally understand why. The marathon is a huge commitment that shouldn't detract from your love of running :)

Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

makes total sense to me. run because you love to run. not because of a race. and if you don't love training for the marathon, what's the point?!?1

Now you're freed from that. Just go out and run to live (or live to run...whichever makes more sense to you)

Aaron Cunningham said...

Good for you!

I bailed out of an April marathon for similar reasons. It's hard to make the call, but you've just got to remember that you're running for you, not anyone else.

Have fun with the running, do what you want. I'm taking advantage of the time to do more low HR runing, so I can run more, and longer.

Denise said...

Aw, don't feel bad. If you weren't into this one, then you shouldn't run it. I feel so bad when people seem to not be enjoying the running. It's about having fun!! I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself now without the added stress of training.

Stacey said...

Running and training should be fun, not making you feel like you are being held hostage...I think you made the right decision. There will always be another marathon to run!

J said...

I think its a wise decision and you seem really happy about it. RUnning should be fun and as long as you are doing ok and enjoying it then thats the point!!

RunToFinish said...

you only get one chance at life and the goal is to live it the best you can! Right now the best you can is making a choice that feels better and happier, well then you're living it up right. marathons are a plenty and certainly won't disappear soon..but finding your joy well that's amazing

Heather said...

Sounds like you made a good choice - if you're going to be miserable doing the training, it's just not the right time. Better to preserve your love for running; there will always be another marathon.

I Run for Fun said...

Sorry to hear that. But being a runner also means knowing yourself...and this sounds like a well-thought out decision. Enjoy your runs...that's what is important at this point.

Stuart said...

It's a good choice and there are plenty of other races

MizFit said...

such a great choice. life is SO CRAMMED with stuff we have to do and have ZERO OPTIONS that running shouldnt fall into that category, IMO, EVER.

Miz.

The Laminator said...

Bummer, but totally understandable. Life just gets in the way sometimes. That's okay, there'll be plenty more chances to scratch the itch once you develop the itch again. You just have to be patient and wait for it.

Julianne said...

I think running because you love it... IS THE BEST FRIGGIN REASON EVER TO RUN! Don't feel bad. Don't worry about us. You do what's right for you. I know there will be more races in the future. Just not the NJ Marathon. :-)

Gotta Run said...

hard decision to make and even HARDER to write it and say it.

Always do things for the "right" reason. Smart that you could see that!!

X-Country2 said...

I think you're making the right decision, and good for you for being brave enough to do it. Good luck with your other race!

Lori said...

I think it is a very respectable decision. It says that you know yourself well enough to make the right choice. You are running for the right reasons and are very much an inspiration. Thanks!

ECrunnergirl said...

Always follow your heart. You made the right decision if your heart isnt in it than its no good. Be true to you....there are always marathons out to be done....and you will know in your heart when the time is right :-) Good job on the tough call.....

Breadcrumb Runner said...

If you're not mentally prepared, it's probably the best decision for you in many aspects. Besides, you have all the time in the world to run a marathon! And the NJ one you were contemplating will almost certainly be there next year. Best of luck, and know there is no shame in the choice you made. :)

Middle-of-the-Pack Girl said...

I was wondering which marathon you had decided not to run. I am beginning to feel like the longer runs are like what you were feeling, a punishment. Stupidly, I've been doing long runs almost every week until a few weeks ago, just because they became habit, and I didn't want to lose the fitness from my full marathon last fall. Now I think I'm just burnt out.

How you sounded on this post is how I felt yesterday. Thanks for making me know I'm not alone in changing my goal (I am leaning toward not doing the half-marathon, after all.)

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