Monday, November 3, 2014

The truth.

I have been trying to write up a race report for the Mohawk-Hudson River Marathon that I ran three (!!!) weeks ago.

I just haven't been able to do it. I've started. I've stopped. I've gone on and on about this and that and I haven't been able to publish anything.

Why? Because it hasn't been real. It has been "my race report with a positive spin on it" and that just hasn't been cutting it this time.

You see, I'm disappointed. I was disappointed and, quite honestly, I still am.

I wanted to run under 3:55 and qualify for Boston. I wanted it so bad. I believed I could do it. And for about 21 miles I was on my way. I was doing it. And then I wasn't.

Sure, my calf cramped and that sucked. But you know what sucked even more? The fact that after I stopped and stretched and massaged my calf, I gave up.

I saw the pace group getting farther and farther away from me and instead of bucking up and trying to slowly gain back my time, I let it all go. I didn't have any push in me. For the last five miles of the race I walked a lot. I gave up on 3:55 and when I realized I'd have to really get it together to even break 4 hours, I gave up on that, too.

I just gave up.

And that is the huge disappointment.  I totally let myself down. And I feel like I let down every person who supported me and wished me well as I trained and trained for this marathon. It is a crummy feeling to have and one I need to work out if I want to go after something big again.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not all doom and gloom about my running.

I ran a freaking marathon, after all! And, my finish time of 4:05:04 was still really good. I know that. I simply wish I didn't have the breakdown. I wish I had enough mental toughness to achieve my goal.

It was still a good day. And I am grateful to my friends and family for coming out and cheering me on. Even though I didn't do what I set out to do, I finished. And there is something to be said for that!

With three of my faves -- Janis, Bridget, me, Elisa.

With my family!
So, that's the story of my marathon as I see it right now. I'll be back, I'm sure. I'm running a little -- took 10 days off and now I'm getting out for 3-5 miles here and there. I'd like to just run and take it easy for a month or so and see where I end up. That's just where I am right now.

Funny, writing about how I really feel about this marathon has already made me feel a little better!

Thanks for stopping by and reading my wah-wah race non-report!


Shelley said...

I have followed you for years and in no way feel let down or disappointed in you. You ran a 26.2 in 4:05. You are amazing and an inspiration! We are our own biggest critics, but please stop and give yourself a great big hug because you did great...

Darlene said...

I understand your feelings. It's hard to feel good when you know you are capable of just wasn't your time. You will get your BQ because you are a talented runner.

misszippy said...

I really admire you for putting this out there. It's a very human thing that happened to you and one we can all understand. I have a feeling it will light a fire in your belly and next time through, that BQ will be yours! Congrats on finishing regardless!

Anonymous said...

I understand. ...and you are INCREDIBLE! You are young and healthy. You are a gifted runner, and there are other races. You WILL BQ!

ajh said...

You have my sympathy. Ironically this is the marathon I was planning my BQ party up until about Mile 21. Then, nope. It all fell apart. It was my fastest time ever in a marathon but not fast enough.
You'll do it. You have the determination.

Suz and Allan said...

Sorry you didn't hit your goal but wow, what an impressive time!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...