Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Queen of Self Diagnosis.

You know me as the Happy Runner. Or maybe by my given name, Felice. But, truth be told, you should get to know me as Her Royal Highness the Queen of Self Diagnosis.

If there is a sore muscle, tendon, ligament, joint, what have you, on this here body, I will concoct a diagnosis. It might not suit me and it might not be correct but I will -- with a confidence better left to someone who spent some long amount of time in medical school -- declare my diagnosis to anyone who cares to listen. Like my trusty two-year old. Or my cat. Or, if he's not already bored by my stream of declarations, my husband.

Torn meniscus! Or just an interior thigh muscle that needs to be more properly stretched.

Runner's knee! Or just a twinge that will disappear after a few days off.

One leg longer than the other! (Leg length discrepancy syndrome?) Or just not.

Raynaud's syndrome! Or just really poor running attire choices.

You get the picture.

So, imagine, if you will, what HRH The Queen of Self Diagnosis must be like when called upon to diagnosis her precious little toddler. Her only son. Heir, as it were, to the throne.

Well. You can't imagine, sorry. I just don't think you can truly imagine the level of hysteria that can come in to play.

About a month ago, I found a tick on my son's head. You may recall that I wrote about how checking for ticks is an important summer ritual, and one that everyone should get in the habit of doing. I've been in the habit. I've checked and re-checked. Checked my body, checked my son's body. Check, check, check.

But, that weekend one month ago I failed. When I finally noticed the tick it had not only bitten my son but had become grossly, disgustingly engorged. It took me several panicky minutes to pull the thing out of Conal's head.

Since the bite, I have been on Lyme disease watch. Or, more accurately, blowing-every-little-thing-out-of-proportion-because-it-could-be-Lyme disease watch. Every little thing that happens and . . . Lyme disease! The boy has Lyme disease!

Prickly heat? You've got to be kidding. That rash is clearly indicative of the bartonella co-infection! OK, so it wasn't but it could have been.

Bad dream? What?!?!?! A child crying out in the middle of the night is most certainly a sign of . . . something Lyme-related.

I can't take the paranoia. It stinks and it is all my own doing, this I know. Being the Queen of Self Diagnosis, though, I'm inclined that way. It's been a month since the bite and my son hasn't shown any major signs of Lyme disease. I should relax and pay less attention to the fabricated symptoms and more attention to, I don't know, maybe my tight piriformis? But it is just difficult. I'm scared about this Lyme disease.

Oh, well. I'll get over it. You know, once Conal is a healthy teen and I have nothing else to worry about!

Until then, I'm hitting the treadmill for speed work this afternoon. That should wring out some of my paranoia, right?

~ HRH The Queen of Lyme Disease Paranoia

(Hey, when you're queen, you get to change your name whenever you want!)


Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

SURE the paranoia will end when he is a healthy no, you will have a while new mess of things to worry about... athletes foot, acne, cauliflower ear, LOL..

This post is too funny.. i am obsessive about other things so I can TOTALLY relate..

Marlene said...

My husband and I are both chronic self-diagnosers (is that a word?) and it often tuns into somewhat of a competition - well I have THIS, well I have THAT, etc. etc.

It's an illness....

Lindsay said...

lol! i am soo bad about googling everything and using webmd. it's a good thing i've never actually had any of my diagnoses or i would probably be dead.

good luck in your medical future, doctor queen :)

Aileen said...

This is why non-doctors should stay far away from can only lead to bad things.

I used to freak out about ticks when I was a kid and playing in the woods. It's kinda scary actually.

Heather said...

Ha! I love it. I don't obsess about my own issues (what sore foot?), but about Sophie I am exactly the same. And I think it's only going to get worse, not better. :)

Diana said...

LOL. I am not too prone to it, but I'm so sure it'll happen once I'm a mom.

Oh, wait, dang. I do it with my dogs a little. lol. My dog ran sidewase a little (very little if I'm being honest) and I swore she had some kind of medical condition or inner ear infection. Turns out dogs just run funny sometimes.

Aron said...

ekkk i HATE ticks!! i have to check my dogs after we go out in fields or anything. i would probably be paranoid too :-/

B.o.B. said...

Oh the hilarity. Not laughing at lyme disease or the it's not-really-there-symptoms. You, my friend are hysterical.

Hope all is well. And you can re-name yourself every day of the week in bloggydom. ;)

Quix said...

Yeah, I'm glad I haven't gotten into that yet, as I can see myself getting antsy about every.little.thing... I'm sure if I have kids though!!

Chic Runner said...

Ha ha, I do the SAME thing! :) Good thing we don't have ticks out here, I would be sure to attract a ton of them.

Unknown said...

the internet only feeds your paranoia - so much info out there at your finger tips. :-)

Denise said...

Cute post!! That's what the internet has done to us. I stopped looking up any of my problems because really they weren't problems at all!

RunToTheFinish said...

oh man I so used to do this all the time!! then i started reading books about controlling your body with your mind etc and I decided I would rather just assume I'm healthy... so far no sicknesses since then. Luck of the draw maybe, but it's far less stressful

Jill Will Run said...

Ew... ticks! You just reminded me of a reason why living in Las Vegas is good, no ticks!

The internet sure helps with the self-diagnosis game. ;-) Googling symptoms is crazy. I had mono a few years back and googling things came back with everything, from pregnancy to bubonic plague. It was kind of humorous!

Julia said...

haha, I know exactly what you mean about the self diagnosis! I'm always like, "my piriformis this, my sciatica that..." etc. I freak out every time I have a headache or tummy ache. I blame the internet for having such "doomsday" type information out there! haha

J said...

Ticks are quite scary!

I have been walking around all day today thinking every little ache and pain in my legs is major!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone- I always self diagnose!!!I need to stay FAR FAR FAR away from WebMD!

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